Online Dating After 40: White, Bald and Fat

O.K. I’m going out on a limb here and maybe I'm being too judgmental. But in 2013,  I was on two dating websites and this is what I saw. 

This is a plea for all you men on dating websites. You are potentially looking for the love of your life. Most guys I know are visual. They will check out a woman, whom they are first physically attracted to, and decide whether or not to date her. Know this gentlemen,  women are the same way. 

We will check out guys, who are physically attractive first, especially in online dating. Sure, if you’re at a party, bar or social scene, you can use your charm or sense of humor to spark a lady’s interest. But not here. You have about a second or two to capture her interest and let me tell you guys, if you don’t, she’s moving on to the next profile.

Read on to find out what you might be doing wrong on your online dating profile and how to fix it. 

Look at your dating profile as seriously as you would your job search profile. Why would you spend less time or effort finding the love of your life? 

Unless you're simply looking for a hookup ( in which case why pay money for an online dating site?), you are searching for the woman you’d like to be with for a long time. You need to consider this when putting up your profile. If you're serious about finding someone and a good candidate for a mate, please try the following bits of advice as to the dos and don’ts of an online dating profile.

1. Don’t post pictures from your iPhone

Again, you have less than two seconds to impress the lady with your picture. Just like you wouldn’t slap on a pair of jeans and a dirty T-shirt for a job interview (or maybe you would?), take the time to groom yourself and get a friend or photographer to take your picture. Even if you’re not the most attractive guy, put yourself in a good light with a great smile. 

You can’t imagine how many selfie pictures I see from iPhones that are fuzzy, distorted and just plain ugly. 

Post several pictures of yourself in different situations, with friends, at a favorite event, or having a good time on vacation. But don’t include yourself with an arm around a woman. That is a flat-out turnoff. 

2. Do post pictures!

I refuse to look at a man’s profile if he doesn’t have a picture. For me that says, “I am white, bald and fat.”

And please, for the love of women, make it a current picture. I know you probably had hair and six-pack abs when you were 20 but I want to know what you look like now. 

3. Don’t post pictures of yourself with your shirt off!

OMG, I’ve seen photos of shirtless guys, and let me tell you fellas, unless you are Mario Lopez or Brad Pitt, all this says is, “I love myself too much.” And what woman wants a guy like that? And showing off your chest hair is not exactly attractive, unless she’s looking for an ape. 

4. Do take the time to write a nice profile.

Saying “I’m a loyal, nice, trustworthy guy.” tells me nothing about your personality. And frankly I don’t really care. What I want to see is what makes you tick. What is your perspective on life? What are your interests? How do you spend your spare time? What are you searching for?

This is your resume. If you were hiring an employee, would you look at a resume with 2-3 lines on a piece of paper? Or would you only look if there was a neat, clean, full-page of skills, experience and education? 

5. Don’t lie!

I dated a man who lied on his profile about several things, one of which was his level of education. Unfortunately for me, the truth only came out after we had been dating for about 9 months because he had asked me to help him with his resume. My first red flag though, had come up when he lied about his age on his profile. I should have known from then. 

Guys, lying is no way to start a relationship. The ugly truth is much better than any lie. 

6. Do fill your profile with sincerity

Women are emotional creatures and we are suckers for sincerity. Don’t say you’re athletic if you’re not. Say you have a few pounds to lose. If you dream about eating at McDonald’s twice a week and your prospective date is vegetarian. don’t pretend you hate meat just to impress her. Tell her about your weakness and let her decide if she can live with that. Be who you truly are and the right woman will fall for you because you are sincere. 

7. Do use a sense of humor 

Let your personality shine through in your profile through words. If you’ve captured her attention with your professional photo, half the battle is won. Most people are looking for certain personality traits to make that initial contact so ask a friend what your best traits are and write them down. If there’s something unusual or quirky about you, include that too. One time,  I was listening to a guy, in a group of friends, who was talking passionately about his turtles for about 20 minutes. If he was on an online dating site, he would have to include something about liking and keeping turtles. That’s quirky. I personally would hate that but a turtle-loving lady might just find that charming even if he was white, bald and well, fat.