In my career, I help my clients set intentions for their lives. I won’t give away exactly what I do, but suffice it to say that it’s alternative medicine.
Part of helping people get healthy is helping them create intentions for the life they’d like to lead and finding the perfect mate is no different.
One good thing about dating in your 40s is that you are certainly clearer on what you desire in a life partner. (At least I hope so!)
If you’re not clear in your mind on who you’d like to meet, you’re going to have a difficult time knowing if that person is the right one when you do meet him or her.
Most of the time, we have a tendency to gravitate toward the same type of person for one reason or another. If that type has not worked out for you in the past, then it’s time to start writing down what it is you truly desire.
Start by getting quiet and having a picture in your mind on what this person might be like. Do you have a certain height, weight, hair or eye color in mind? Is this person outgoing or shy? An introvert or extravert? A social butterfly or a stay-at-home by the fire with a book type? At this point in life it’s important to know what age person you’re willing to date.
A younger man or woman may seem attractive now but if you choose too young, what will you have in common? Will that person want to start a family if you already have kids and don’t want more? And inversely, if you date older, you need to think about life expectancy, health issues and more.
I know women who don’t really care what age man she dates and I was a bit berated for my philosophy when I said a man was too old. Here’s my rule of thumb: I will date someone who’s up to four years younger and four years older. Why? Think about high school, could you have been in the same high school (years-wise) together? If the answer is yes, then chances are you have more in common having grown up in the same generation.
Another important factor you need to iron out is whether or not you will date someone with kids. If so, what ages? Again, be honest with yourself. I wasn’t honest with myself the first time I entered a serious relationship after my divorce and now I’m more realistic. I had kids young so I’m at the point in my life that I don’t want to raise someone else’s kids. If I date a man with kids, the kids will be either late teenage years to adults.
Once you’ve gotten the stats down, now’s the time to have fun.
What is it that you truly want in a relationship? Take every single aspect and write it down? What does your relationship with your perfect mate look like? How do you relate to one another? What are you willing to have in a relationship and not willing to have?
Put your intentions on a list in the present tense as if what you intend is already here. For example: He is trustworthy and kind to me and everyone else in his life.
Once you’ve completed your intentions list, print it out or make copies and carry a copy with you, have one on your bedside table, and read it often. Don’t be afraid to add or make changes if you discover there’s an aspect you really don’t want or you remember to add something you forgot.
Then let go and let the universe handle all the details.
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